10 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Is Struggling With Infertility

Everyone has experienced the uncomfortable situation of disclosing private information to a friend and receiving hurtful feedback. Most of us have also experienced this from the opposite side, when a friend confides in us and we act inappropriately. We feel embarrassed for saying the wrong thing as we observe our friend's stiff, polite grin. Most harsh remarks aren't meant to be offensive. They are either the result of ignorance or a strong desire to say anything to diffuse a stressful situation. After all, we wish to alleviate our friend's dilemma, ease their suffering, or humorously lighten the situation. Rather, we unwittingly worsen the situation.

10 Things Not to Say to Someone Who Is Struggling With Infertility

Things to avoid saying-

You should refrain from saying these 10 things if you have friends or family members who are infertile.

One of these was already said? Don't be reluctant to return to your friend and express your regret. For both of you, it could turn out to be therapeutic.

1.IVF IS ALWAYS AN OPTION

IVF is frequently viewed as the panacea for infertility. Unable to conceive? Just use IVF, people advice. But it's not that easy.

IVF is an extremely expensive procedure, to start. In the majority of nations, insurance seldom covers it, and in other nations, it is typically just partly covered. Additionally, it may take many cycles to succeed, making it a costly operation. Additionally, a couple could require donated sperm, eggs, embryos, or even a surrogate, which is far more expensive.

Additionally, IVF is not a panacea. IVF could not work even if you have the money. Only 35.9 percent of cycles for women under 35 are successful. Depending on the reason for infertility, this will also change.

2. SIMPLY ADOPT

Some couples may find adoption to be a fantastic choice, but it's not one that should be taken lightly. Flippantly suggesting adoption ignores the psychological and financial implications of adoption. Adoption is also not always feasible.

To adopt a kid, there is an application and approval process. Not every applicant for adoption will be approved after being screened. (By the way, failing the screening doesn't indicate the individual wouldn't be a good parent. That's not how complex it is.

Additionally, adoption does not alleviate the suffering associated with infertility. Offering the choice as a comfort seldom works out. Although it is an additional way to create a family, adoption does not take the place of having biological children.

3. YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS

Couples struggling to conceive aren't stupid. Who hasn't suffered a lengthy flight next to a crying infant or been seated at a restaurant next to a noisy, untidy family?

We all know that infants scream and vomit. Children are known to be noisy and dirty. We are aware that having children will significantly alter our lives. Don't make a couple's circumstances seem worse by seeming like your blessing is a curse.

4. YOU MUST UNWIND. YOUR INFERTILITY IS BEING CAUSED BY ALL THAT STRESS

Daily stress does not result in infertility, despite the widespread belief that it does. Some physicians actively perpetuate this notion.

3,000 women from ten different nations were the subject of a sizable research. They discovered that extreme emotional discomfort before to a treatment cycle had no detrimental effects on the result. 4 In other words, your infertile friend's ability to conceive is unaffected by feeling anxious.

Perhaps you could think about which occurred first: the stress or infertility? Your buddy who struggles with fertility was probably not worried about becoming pregnant until she realized it wasn't occurring the way it should.

5. YOU MIGHT NOT BE MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN

This one hurts a lot. If this were the case, how would one explain how parents who are genuinely bad—even abusive—parents are still able to produce children? Clearly, it is not necessary to be qualified for the position.

Nobody has a clue as to why nice people experience awful situations. Do not attempt to play God by explaining why someone is unable to conceive.

6. YOU'RE SO YOUNG, THOUGH! YOU HAVE LOTS OF TIME TO CONCEIVE

But not usually. You are not immune to infertility because you are young, and time is not always on your side.

Time is not on a woman's side, for instance, if she develops early ovarian failure (also known as premature ovarian insufficiency).

She will probably require an egg donor if she waits a longer time. Another problem that becomes worse over time is endometriosis.

Although being younger often enhances the likelihood of a successful reproductive therapy, this isn't always the case. Furthermore, success may come at any age.

7. YOU PRIORITIZED YOUR CAREER OVER STARTING A FAMILY?

First of all, it is disrespectful to imply that infertility is someone's responsibility. Just don't go there, even if there is a tiny bit of truth in it. Second, don't presume that a person's work prevented them from having a kid at an earlier age.

Less than 30% of women who had just given birth to their first child reported that their work ambitions had a significant role in their family planning, according to a poll.

Being in a stable relationship (97%), feeling in control of their lives (82%), and being prepared to be a parent were the top three considerations for women before beginning a family (77 percent).

8. WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? YOU'RE ALREADY A PARENT

For the women who experience it, secondary infertility—infertility that develops after having a child—is a serious issue.

Even if you've always pictured your future family as larger, having a kid or children doesn't make the agony of not being able to have more go away.

Don't presume someone isn't appreciative before telling them to "be grateful" for what they have. Couples who experience secondary infertility are acutely aware of how fortunate they are to be parents. You can be simultaneously happy for what you do have and unhappy for what you don't.

9. IF YOU REALLY WANTED A CHILD, YOU WOULD ALREADY BE A PARENT. MOST LIKELY, YOUR MIND IS KEEPING YOU FROM BECOMING PREGNANT

Being informed that they don't desire a kid enough is a terrible kick in the gut when someone is desperate to get pregnant and have a child more than anything.

People who genuinely believe you may avoid pregnancy by just "not really wanting" it to happen may have been made popular by The Secret. Tell it to all the women who are expecting but didn't plan to get pregnant! It is untrue.

Infertility is not caused by "not wanting it enough," even if a woman or guy secretly doesn't want to have a child. Birth control wouldn't be necessary if this were the case.

10. IT COULD BE SOMETHING WORSE. IT COULD HAVE BEEN CANCER

This is roughly equivalent to saying to a buddy who recently lost their parent, "It could be worse, I suppose. Your mum and father could have passed away."

Avoid deciding who deserves compassion and who doesn't by acting like the compassion police.

It's interesting to note that research has revealed a correlation between the mental suffering felt by women with infertility and that felt by cancer, HIV, and chronic pain patients.

Learn more if you want to help a friend who is experiencing infertility. Keep in mind that it's frequently beneficial to listen more than speak.


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